How I survived my night as a standup comic (sort of)

Including a video of the routine. Be nice.

I was petrified.

The night of the final rehearsal for our Comedy 101 graduation show, I choked. Even with notes in front of me, sitting on a stool next to the microphone, I choked. I’d be in the middle of a comedy bit, forget what I was supposed to say and entertain my classmates with a series of awkward pauses. It was terrible.

I also had an excuse. My instructor, Alex Price, told me to get mildly drunk (or high, or both) before the last rehearsal. He kept telling me, your material is good, but you’re scared to death up there. Get mildly (bleeped) up, get on stage and see if it isn’t like you’re hanging out at the bar with a couple of friends.

Yeah, well…

Two tall beers and a hit later, I was ready.

And then…I choked. Forgot most of the jokes. Tripped all over my words, when I could remember them at all. My four classmates were cruising during rehearsal, getting better and funnier and more comfortable each and every week. I was regressing.

Here was the problem. While my four classmates were in their late 20’s, early 30’s, I’ll be 65 in two weeks and, if I’m being completely honest, I’ve sacrificed a lot of brain cells. Again, I had decent material (I’m a writer, last I checked) but relaxing and remembering all that material was quite a challenge.

Just in case, I had a large yellow legal pad of key words nearby, although that didn’t help at all during the final rehearsal.

Anyway, on graduation day, I stayed completely sober. Not that it helped me settle down. I was an unholy mess this past Thursday. What if I choked again? And this time in front of around 60 people, a number of them friends and family?

Well…

Here’s the routine. Credit the cinematography to Cathy Kravitz, my wife. Please note, this is NSFW, so if you’re inclined to watch, think about headphones. I don’t work clean, to say the least.

It went pretty well, if I say so myself. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. After the first two jokes, I started remembering my routine without checking the notes and at one point, I actually felt calm and comfortable. By the time they lit me – us graduates got a six-minute warning light to rap things up – I felt like I belonged on that stage. Laughter is highly seductive, believe me.

I needed this. I really did. As I slowly fade from the sports journalism scene, I need a passion and a purpose. Is it standup comedy? I have no idea, although I felt like I proved something to myself. I challenged myself to do something uncomfortable, even terrifying, and I pretty much pulled it off.

Truth is, everybody in my class crushed. Everybody (except me) got better and funnier and more comfortable every week. And the friends and family who showed up were totally supportive. Maybe I’ll do it again at an open mic and maybe I won’t, but I’m glad I did it this time.