Braden Smith, back from the mental-health precipice, is better and happier than ever before

A year ago at this time, he took a leave of absence to address serious issues with OCD/religious scrupulosity.

One year ago, Colts right tackle Braden Smith was in a mental hole, his OCD/religious scrupulosity careening out of control, his mind playing mean tricks on him as he attempted to play professional football. Five games into last season, he took a leave of absence for personal reasons and missed the rest of the year; later on, in a splendid, tell-all story in the Indianapolis Star, he revealed that his emotional anguish had set him on a course of healing which ultimate took him to Mexico, where psychedelic drugs, along with therapy and other modalities, helped him reclaim his identity and his sanity.

He is not completely out of the woods; as recently as this past Sunday morning, in the hours before the Colts’ game against Tennessee, some of the destructive old thoughts came rushing in, a frightening reminder that mental health can be difficult to maintain. It’s a process.

“I was like, `I know what this is and I have the tools to (handle those thoughts),” Smith said Wednesday as the Colts prepared for Sunday’s game at Pittsburgh. “...It didn’t bother me at all. I was able to set it aside. I was like, `OK, these things still happen. I’m not completely devoid of my OCD, like, it’s still a part of my life.’ It’s how I manage it, how I deal with it and it doesn’t have to be an overwhelming factor in my life.

“It’s like two wolves, which one do you feed? I choose not to feed my OCD. Instead I’m going to feed myself the things that are positive in my life and give me joy and things that are in the present moment versus things that are not real...”

Smith has been a top-tier tackle for the Colts for eight years, but last year, he was forced to walk away from the game as his OCD began ruling his existence. He thought he was losing his mind, and he was desperate to find the elusive fix.

“I’m honestly grateful for last year because without it, I wouldn’t have such a self awareness of how I think, how I go about things,” Smith said. “I’m better for it. I’m a better husband, a better father and a better teammate. And I’m continuing to grow as a person. You know, my journey isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of room to grow and learn. And I look forward to that. You know, think about it like a video game like the one with the big bosses, there’s more of those coming, but it’s how you handle it...”

There were times last year when Smith wondered if he’d ever play football again. There were times, honestly, when Smith considered suicide. He was in a deep hole, and it seemed like there was no way out. Desperate times require desperate measures, leading Smith to Mexico where psychedelic drugs have been used to help in the mental health sphere.

Now, though, he’s feeling exponentially better and is playing some of the best football of his career. Sunday, he gets to go toe-to-toe with Pittsburgh’s relentless pass rusher, T.J. Watt.

“I felt very eager to prove something to myself (this year),” Smith said. “Like, every day for me is really a victory because of everything that happened, just being able to actually truly enjoy life. And there’s a kind of this power that’s kind of harnessed when you’re able to identify the problem.”

Smith has found joy again, in daily life and in his work life. His offensive line, one of if not the best O-line he’s played on in Indy, is playing phenomenal football. The run blocking has unleashed Jonathan Taylor, who is running away with the rushing title. The pass blocking has only allowed nine sacks in eight games, tied for second-fewest allowed. And that’s with two young newcomers, right guard Matt Goncalves and center Tanor Bortolini, who have both played exceptionally this season.

“We all really genuinely like each other,” Smith said. “I feel like this is probably the closest this unit has been since I’ve been here. And I feel like that’s a big part of it, just having that cohesion. Because if you have five individuals playing out there, it’s not going to work. You see lots of teams and you go back to free agency, you get all these superstars on a team and then they start asking, `Why isn’t this team doing better?’ Well, there’s more to it than just talent. That’s something our offensive line has really leaned into and just being a unit.

“I just feel like it’s very selfless, like, egoless. Like they say, it takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch and I think that’s very true. Like, you get that one guy in the room and that can spoil the whole room. I don’t feel like we have that here.”

True, Taylor has been magnificent, but it all starts with the offensive line.

True, Daniel Jones has been magnificent, but again, it all starts with the offensive line.

Smith, the veteran, leads the way, and he’s doing it less than a year after nearly losing his way, and much more.